I’m still feeling bad about snapping at mom for touching my arm the other day, after support group.
Came home past midnight after dinner with Anne-May, Carine, Kelvin, Linda, Malcolm, Marcus, Michelle and Wei Jie yesterday. We went to Astons at Suntec City. I had grilled salmon with “tasty rice” and “pasta salad”. It was okay, I guess. The company was wonderful, and I’m thankful to Carine for planning it all. When I returned, mom kept asking, again, if I wanted to eat and asked for specific details of what I ate. Everything has become so food-based, it’s rather…grating, to be honest. By the way, yesterday’s breakfast was three tablespoons of Muesli, and lunch was 2 kaya sandwiches, 1 can of vitamin C apple drink, and 1 char siew bao.
Woke up this morning, downed breakfast (2 slices Pandan bread, some curry, 1 Bratwurst sausage, some shavings of Dutch Edam cheese, 1/3 cup Muesli, 1 nougat), snack (1 Quacker granola bar) and saw that Ms Koh (my print journalism lecturer back in school) had sent an e-mail commenting on how I’m now “much thinner”. I felt glad yet guilty - guilty because I’m now actually quite meaty, i.e. my tummy’s bloated/distended, my uniform’s very tight-fitting and my bones can no longer be seen. My body’s now quite warm and I get sweaty rather easily. I’m not comfortable with these changes… I’m quite envious of some of the army guys who’re naturally thinner than I am… It’s all quite triggering.
I’m getting more excited about work! I want to be the most efficient storeman there ever was and provide quality service of which the battalion can be proud. Asked my Staff Sergeant if I should apply to the Music and Drama Company. He looked at me, smiled, and said, “There’re lots of gays you know?” (he’s homophobic, understandably). I just smiled, and then he said that I should have some talent before going in, to which I replied saying that I’ve been a part of award-winning plays before (totally glossed over the fact that I played bit parts in a couple of them, haha!) But I don’t think I’ll audition though…. perhaps I can use my free time in the stores to study or something. I don’t have the heart to let my warrant officer down. By the way, we had a conversation on Friday where he opened up about his language inadequacies and asked what he could do to improve. He really looks after us like his own children.
Ah wells. Till laters! Looking forward to catch The September Issue later! :D
*hugs*,
Sujith
